1492- Final Rewrite

1492

Scene 1

A group of 50 men and women stand in a circle. They are surrounded by vegetation and stone sculptures. Many of them are painted and have decorated themselves with feathers. There are Zemis placed around the village center. All watch ABEY and GUAMA who stand in the middle of the circle. ABEY is dressed in more with more feathers and painted more dramatically than the others  

GUAMA hands ABEY a wooden spatula. ABEY takes the spatula and puts it down his throat, making himself purge. GUAMA then hands him a plate with a line of white powder on it. ABEY snorts it with a wooden straw. ABEY signals for drums to play. GUAMA washes spatula in water then uses it himself. DRUM MUSIC starts. ABEY and GUAMA start dancing. Everybody joins in. The plate of hallucinogens is passed around. The tempo continues to build. As it gets darker they light torches and dance into the night 

Scene 2

3 days earlier. 

The Santa Maria sails through the Atlantic Ocean. There is no land in sight

PEDRO stands next to Columbus and looks out of his telescope.  

PEDRO

Sir, are you sure you have the right bearings?

Columbus

Am I sure? There is a reason why I am Captain and you are my second, imbecile. We are right off the coast of China, I can smell the opium from here.  

PEDRO 

We’ve been out here two months and we’re running out of supplies, despite my frugal rationing. I suspect your ‘smell’ of opium has much akin to a lush well in a desert.

CC

Pedro, (sarcastically) always knows best. I’ll cut you a deal. If we don’t spot land in the next few days, we’ll turn around and go back to Spain.

JUAN

Ah, Chicas, chicas, I miss them, let’s get back, Pedro’s buttocks have started to look like breasts it has been so long.

JUAN goes to tap PEDRO on the butt, and PEDRO goes to swipe.

PEDRO

We need to find Juan a girl, before he creeps into my room putting holes in the pillows again

COLUMBUS

Control your lusts men.

JUAN

Easy for you to say

COLUMBUS

Why would it be easy for me to say?

JUAN and PEDRO look at each other and laugh

PEDRO

That feather headband you have been sewing is stunning

COLUMBUS

Thank you. If you do spot land, and listen closely Juan, before you go blindfolding yourself and dreaming about Paella. Whoever spots it will receive a payment, a kindly reward of 10 pounds of Gold.

JUAN

Why that's a lot, I’ll be keeping my eyes peeled all night sir, the things I would do for money like that

PEDRO

Ten pounds?! Things must be worse than I suspected.

COLUMBUS 

Pedro, do I have remind you. I am the master of the ship, and a master in need of his beauty sleep. I'm off to go write a letter to Isabella and then retire to bed. 

JUAN and PEDRO look at each other and snigger

JUAN 

Isabella won't want to hear from you, we haven't even found gold yet. 

COLUMBUS smiles too and rubs his hands together

COLOMBUS

Oh but when we do...

ALL laugh

Columbus

Pedro brings me my sleeping oils, Juan stay on look out. 

COLOMBUS leaves.

SCENE 3 

JUAN and PEDRO go out to front deck and take out their telescopes searching the ocean for sign of land.  

JUAN 

10 pounds of gold sir, imagine that, what would you do with that aye? 

PEDRO

Buy a farm, invest it in property.

JUAN 

Invest it, you’re so boring. Have you seen that painting of Philip wearing a chaperon?

PEDRO

Fashion is for the insecure, irrational, and godless

JUAN

I’d get one, and I would walk right into Puerte de Sol and find myself a pretty chica. An exotic lady, like Portuguese or Italian or some other nymphy race. 

PEDRO 

Don’t get too ahead of yourself. When was the last time Christopher stuck to his word? I need to sleep, cover me until the sun is up. 
PEDRO gives JUAN his telescope 

PEDRO nods off to sleep.

                          
SCENE 4 

JUAN is looking through his telescope and spots the island. He rushes down the stairs to Columbus’s cabin and knocks loudly. 

COLUMBUS

Who is it

JUAN

Juan Sir

COLUMBUS

Go away

JUAN

I spotted land sir

COLUMBUS storms out of cabin and pushes past JUAN. He flicks out his contracting telescope out and stands on deck

COLUMBUS (shouting)

China. China I do believe we have arrived. All hands on deck. Prepare to land. 

Addressing PEDRO

I will update her majesty Isabelle immediately. 

JUAN

I am rich, 10 pounds of gold, what will I do with 10 pounds of gold, except hold it dearer to my heart than any woman.

COLUMBUS

Juan, what nonsense are you talking now, I spotted the land just before you and will be keeping my 10 pounds to myself.

JUAN

But..  

JUAN storms off.

SCENE 5

On the island the dancing continues. More powder is passed around. GUAMA stops dancing and signals for the drums to stop. All stop. 

GUAMA 

Take the procession to the shore

They head down to the beach. The Santa Maria is only a few hundred meters from the coast. ABEY and GUAMA look at each other. They nod in agreement. 

PEDRO looks through his telescope

PEDRO

My god, they are swimming out to us. It as if they think we are from the heavens

CC

I confess at times I wonder

PEDRO 

You wonder what sir?

CC 

All I am saying is Jesus and I share some remarkably similar traits

PEDRO

I can assure you sir, you are in no shape or form, anything like the messiah

COLUMBUS

He was a passionate man, much like I am. He was an adventurer, he may have been Christ of the world, but we are to enter a new world where they will not have heard his name, and who will be Christ to them, or shall we say Chris-T.

PEDRO

If god is capable of miracles then not you

COLUMBUS

Pedro, you are foolish to a point of charm, I shall not make you suffer for your disobedience and spiteful tongue

PEDRO

You are ever so kind.

JUAN

(looking at the Taino people. )

They certainly do not look Chinese. 

COLUMBUS

I have had enough of you questioning imbeciles. Now let us depart the ship and discover the riches the world has to offer us.  

SCENE 6

The Santa Maria hits a rock. The crew frantically gather all their things together. 

COLUMBUS looking at hole in the boat

God-damn mermaids

The Taino's paddle out to help them unload their things on the boat. COLUMBUS and crew paddle in from the Santa Maria. Their small ships have many flags on them that are weighing them down as they row and they have to bail out some water as they go. 

ABEY 

Tau 

COLUMBUS 

Luis get out there to speak to them

LUIS rushes up to ABEY

LUIS 

Ni hao, nin hao.... A gutn tog... Vi heystu?....

as-salām 'alaykum..... mā ismak? 

ABEY AND GUAMA

Tau 

COLUMBUS

What are they saying Luis? 

LUIS 

I'm not sure

COLUMBUS

Not sure, it’s your bloody job, you’re a translator, imagine if I said I am not sure if we will find land

PEDRO

You did, yesterday. 

COLUMBUS

Nonsense

COLUMBUS (to his crew )

What fine limbs they have, strong hinds they have like a rearing horse. Muscular and straight. No fat on their bodies at all. What power they have in their shoulders. Breed for labour they are, what fine slaves they will make. 

ABEY AND GUAMA move to the front of the tribe. Who move behind them and they crouch on their knees.

COLUMBUS strides ashore from being knee deep in water. 

COLUMBUS reaches out a hand to greet Abey. 

Greetings, we bring gifts

COLUMBUS gives ABEY a cape and some glass beads

ABEY puts it on, smiles and laughs 

COLUMBUS 

Aha, he did you see that, he put it around his neck. He must desire clothes. It shows thatit is human nature to want dress.  

ABEY takes off his feathered crown and gives it to Columbus. 

COLUMBUS

How strange these people are, to give their things too easily, does he not realise how much this is worth compared to my glass beads. and them sitting here. Not even suspecting us of foul play.. Why with only 40 men we could round them all all up overtake them. Made for servitude they are indeed. We must convince them to show us where they source their gold. Gold, gold, gold, whoever has it does all he wants in this world." 

PEDRO 

They are so clean. They must bathe often; perhaps they are of Islamic faith. Luis get here, tell me did you Jews get here first, why are they so clean. Do they believe in you ways?

LUIS

My ways? I converted, I am as Christian as you

COLUMBUS

It is suspicious I must say. We must keep an eye out for cannibalism. It may be hard to deny them the taste of human flesh if they have had it, and we have all heard stories of primitive people. Quite inhumane, heathens, pagans, poor godless souls. 

SCENE 7

COLUMBUS and his men are down at their supplies, deciding what food to give to the TAINO people. 

JUAN 

I vote we give them chorizo sir. I think off all the meats it is the most akin to what humans may taste like. 

PEDRO

Juan mistaken again, everybody knows we taste like chicken. 

LUIS

What we really need is a man who can speak their language  

COLUMBUS laughs

A man that speaks their language. Nonsense, what is needed is one of them who can speak Espanol. They shall lead us to gold, we must hatch a plan. We will capture one tomorrow and take them away so they cannot return to their people while they learn.

SCENE 8

CHRISTPHER COLUMBUS and PEDRO stand on board to the ship. This has been patched up with different textured timber where it hit the rock. They are heading into a inlet of another island.

PEDRO

This water is too choppy for the boat, and there are rocks everywhere. As big as icebergs. Surly there was a safer way to come

COLUMBUS  

ALONSO knows what he is doing he says he has been down this track many times before, they just didn't realize that our ships are not quite the same as their canoes, and our lives are much more precious. Even so, I trust Alonso and when he finds me my gold I may do him the favor of adopting him. 

PEDRO 

Do you think he will make a good Christian too? 

COLUMBUS

A fine christian, he serves us already, these people were made to be given masters. 

PEDRO 

How long will it take us to find gold?

COLUMBUS

Oh it must be nearby, they all seem to know where it is, but as so unenthusiastic about showing us. If I was them I would be using it to make some decent bartering, but they are very unenterprising, they seem to think that you can survive on physical needs alone. 

PEDRO 

I am not so sure if they really as so unenterprising, they will not barter their gold nose rings

COLUMBUS

The other day I bartered a whole bag of cotton for two cents. 

PEDRO 

Ha why, you could have gotten it for free, its everywhere.

COLUMBUS

Well apparently gold is everywhere here too, so an overpriced bag of cotton is nothing in the scheme of things.

Downstairs in the Santa Maria

ALONSO sits with ABEY and GUAMA 

ALONSO 

Did you see how excited he got about the king that wears a golden cloth and has golden jewels and has a golden dog

ABEY

He is as greedy as a god, it’s true. Did you see his freaking out yesterday when he saw that serpent? 

GUAMA 

I thought I saw a little golden halo around his pants. 

ALONSO 

I was just annoying that he didn't even bother cooking it. He has the skin drying out on the top deck, must think it is another souvenir like the gold. 

ABEY

That is what these white men are like, they like to look at things and note them down. He goes crazy about the flowers and the plants.  Give him a glass of water when he is dying of thirst and he would rather draw it than drink it. Took about 10 bags full of the Aloe yesterday. What does he need 10 bags for, it will rot so quickly

ALONSO

We have been traveling for a few days down, we must be almost here, I think it is time we let him meet his golden king. 

Scene 9

COLUMBUS and his men are navigating on deck of the Santa Maria, and see a Taino man paddling alongside them in a canoe.

COLUMBUS

He looks similar to the other ones, but he is hesitant to meet us, perhaps there are differences among even though they live in close proximity, like us and the Basques. Let’s invite him on board.

PEDRO and JUAN start waving their arms for the man to pull over on the side of the river.

COLUMBUS

Go get some of our natives, and tell Alsono to make a good impression.

ALONSO comes up to the top deck and calls out to the man in the canoe. He comes aboard with a loaf of bread, some water, and a string of glass beads.

PEDRO

How does he have glass beads? We have not met him before

COLUMBUS

He must have traded them with another Indian

COLUMBUS goes down to the cabin and brings out more necklaces and gold and gives them in the native man. The man gives his beads to COLUMBUS. He then talks with ALONSO

COLUMBUS

What is he saying?

ALONSO

He says thank you for the gifts, and asks where you are going. I told him and he says he is very good friends with the King

COLUMBUS

We shall give him more then, for word of our generosity will travel fast.

COLUMBUS goes down under deck and comes back with a shawl and wraps it around the man.

ALONSO

He must go, he has to make it to his hut before it gets dark.

Columbus

It was good to meet him. Tell him to speak well of us.

ALONSO

He says thank you

The man departs and goes back to his canoe sitting on the bank of the river.

 Scene 10 

COLUMBUS and his men stand on the island surrounded by trees and flowers. COLUMBUS is looking through a book of sketches he has made of the plants.

COLUMBUS

Where is this bloody golden pharaoh of yours?

AlONSO 

He is here on the island you just have to be patient. He will come and grant you all your wishes. 

COLUMBUS

Why won't you go get him? Bring him here now, does he even know I have arrived?

ALONSO

You would like me to go get him? 

COLUMBUS 

For heaven’s sake, yes 

ALONSO 

I must bring the others with me

COLUMBUS 

Why would I send three men to do a one man job?

ALONSO 

You don't understand, there are many serpents in this area, it is dangerous to walk alone, and so the golden king will not trust those who do. 

COLUMBUS

Tell me again, tell me what this golden king looks like?

Alonso

Everything on him, head to toe is made from rear golden thread. His bed is a solid block of gold and he sleeps with a duvet made of ground golden shells stitched with golden cotton.

COLUMBUS

And could he make me one? 

ALONSO  

Of course

COLUMBUS 

Do you think we will get on. You don't think he will find me threatening do you? I sometimes feel people do not like me because they are jealous and intimidated by charms.

ALONSO 

Of course he will find you impressive, but he will like you. Men like other men like themselves

COLUMBUS

(Laughs) Oh you think we have something in common, no I would hope not, he’s one of you after all 

ALONSO 

We will set off to fetch him now. Why don’t you wait over there, on the edge of the forest, Then the king will know exactly where to come.

AlONSO gestures for ABEY and GUAMA to come with him. 

Night falls and COLUMBUS is still waiting at the edge of the forest. A bird flies past and craps on him. COLUMBUS runs around in a frenzy trying to get it off him but trips on a rock. Angry he grabs a gun and tries to shoot all the birds in sight, missing most of them.

COLUMBUS

Where the hell have they gone, we could have walked around the whole island by now. Let us go back to the ship, I’m over this, this whole stinking island is built of laziness and lies. Let’s get to Japan. I am sure we are close, and it appears there is no gold here after all.

SCENE 11

JUAN is waiting on the ship

JUAN

Why would you look at that, that’s the biggest bag of gold I have ever seen

Columbus

Shut it you fool

Pedro

If it were indeed gold, it would be the only bag of gold you’ve ever seen

Juan

Not if you include posters. No seriously sir, if it isn’t gold then what is it?

COLUMBUS loads bag of Aloe of to the boat. 

COLUMBUS 

They tricked us Juan, those bloody fools. 

JUAN

Who?

Columbus

Alonso.. Guama.. Abey..the whole damn race. They ran away

Juan

They haven’t run away sir, I saw them just before, paddling up stream WITH that friend of theirs we brought on board before. I called out and they said they were fetching the king for you, the gold king.  

Columbus

What, why didn't you capture them. Gold King, my bloody ass. Load up. Lets get this ship into action. All hands on deck. Lets catch those bloody deserters.

They set off to catch them but the river is entrance is too narrow and the boat gets stuck on the bank. They have to get out and push it back out of the river entrance.

Pedro

Sir, why don’t we just settle with the Aloe that you collected and set out for Japan huh?

COLUMBUS.

I wanted to adopt Alonso, I taught him English. I was going to make him my servent. Oh we are burdened. Isabel demands too much. All they said was humbug in order to escape

Exegesis

My piece is a re-write of “The Log of Christopher Columbus” by Robert H Fuson . A modern translation of Columbus’s diaries. I choose to write this as a satire to subvert Columbus’s historical place in history as hero and great explorer. He is also partly responsible for gross injustices, such as the genocide of the native races in America and the Caribbean, which are often overlooked.  When I read his diary I saw much of the work was done for me, as some passages do not require any tinkering for comedic value. I put this down to the differences in morality and understanding we have today, compared to the colonizer/pagan savage view that Columbus had is on his voyages.

I had some difficulty writing the Taino people, seeing as they spoke a different language, I was a bit hung up on using English, thinking that their plight is better expressed in native tongue. Thiong’o (1995)  states the importance the his people to “reject the primacy of English literature and culture” (Thiongo’o, 1995, p.439) and place their own culture and language at the center  I wondered if this was true of all people outside of western culture writing back to the center  But for the purpose of the exercise, felt that I must give them a voice.

Another challenge I had in the re-write was moving away from the depiction of the noble savage. “The myth of the noble savage is a European myth” (Kallendorf, 1995, p450)   which can be very limiting on minority or foreign cultures.“The fact the Columbus’s derisive allusions to the Tainos have recently been glossed over- not by Dominicans, but by idealistic ‘European’ scholars hoping to right an ancestral wrong..has provided a new avenue for insult to the current inhabitants of this historic place.” (Kallendorf,  1995, p450) To avoid adding to this using factual information in my portrayal of the Tainos, as I suspect that utopian portrayals of people take part primarily in the imagination.

.Much of the comedy of the piece comes from the fact that “underlying their acts of injustice was the fact that the Spainards looked upon many of the Taino social traditions with disdain simply because they misinterpreted or only partially understood them.” (Kallendorf,1995, p467)   I left the ending with the Tainos outsmarting Columbus because I wanted to show that he misconceived the native people and they were as capable of 'outsmarting' as he was. This escape is based on a real incident recorded in Columbus's diary. His final line is a quote from the translation of the incident.

References :

Thiong’o, N, W. (1995) On the Abolition of the English Department. The Post-colonial Studies Reader. 378-442. London: Routledge.

Kallendorf, H. (1995) A Myth Rejected: The Noble Savage in Dominican Dystopia. Journal of Latin American Studies, 27(2), 449-470. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/discover/10.2307/158122?uid=3738776&uid=2&uid=4&sid=21102690217531